Top 7 - Recrap

Top 7 - Songs by Rod Stewart (aka I'm really old and I need to boost my CD sales so I'm just going to let American Idol butcher famous songs!)

Another week of people performing songs by an old dude that no one cares about. Seems that Kevin Covais' granny fans would appreciate this theme but alas.... he was booted in Top 11. Anyway, let's hope that Ace and Kellie do us proud and let's get on with the show! By the way, I have to say... Rod Stewart should sue AI for defamation - the videos of him in hot neon pants and Village People-sque clothes are scandalous! And who the hell names their kid "Alistair". Reminds me of the old guy in Passions who wants to makes everyone's lives miserable!

1. Chris Daughtry - What A Wonderful World

The only thing that was the highlight of Chris' "toned-down" (aka - no blinding strobe lights) performance was his perfectly arched and groomed eyebrows. Also, did he steal David Radford's outfit? It looks strangely similar to what David wore in the semi finals! The last three weeks showed that Chris had no versality whatsoever. Tonight was a bit different and I'll give Chris some points for changing up the style. Still, the performance was grade A fromage. I didn't find the performance very special, but then again, what's so special about Chris (who is the predetermined winner of AI5)!

2. Paris "Please Save the Puppies!" Bennett - These Foolish Things

Holy shit! Paris looks like JanayBot in the pre-performance video with Ron! Uncanny! Paris fails miserably on her attire - who would have thought to wear a bright red dress suit?! Paris, Paris, Paris.... this song choice falls somewhere between Carrie's "MacArthur Park" and Janay Castine's "Hit 'Em Up with Style". I thought it was utter crap and don't get why the judges fawned all over her performance. She just looked like an airline stewardess doing a karoake performance. That's what the air bags are for folks - to retch during the performance!

3. Taylor "Yes I am actually a DRUNK!" Hicks - You Send Me

Ryan and Taylor discuss the SNL spoof and clap along... Can someone just smack Taylor on the head and do us all a favour?! The George Clooney but a retarded version complete with Muppet antics tries to do Sam Cooke justice. Sadly.... he did not. I just wish someone would switch Taylor's stash of ritalin with some muscle relaxers and we can watch Taylor lie down on the stage and sing at the same time and that would be more entertaining than watching him spasm all over the stage. Sad.grim.pathetic - but the best of the night so far and it was the only slightly entertaining performance so far.

4. Elliott Yamin - It Had To Be You

Rod asks Elliott how old he is... maybe he wants to commit a certain felony? Creepy! Is it me or is Elliott's face more orange? I guess he's been in Kellie's makeup bag or something... Or Ace's for that matter. Yup, has to be Ace. Elliott was definitely great - he's improved steadily and the entertainment factor has improved as well. No more scary sex faces or grimaces (like what Rod did when Ace hugged him a little bit too hard)! Definitely the best of the night so far (and probably the only one putting in a better than decent performance)!

5. Kellie "VOTE FOR THE WORST" Pickler - Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered

I cannot believe that Kellie can pronounce "bewitched", "bothered" and "bewildered". This is coming from a girl who can't pronounce "PAPER" for the love of God! Our VFTW pick has done us proud and wore a dress 2 sizes too small. Maybe it's cutting off her circulation and she can't sing? Oh wait... I don't think she could sing in the first place. Her performance was according to Kellie herself: "I think I butchered it!" Yes, thank you Kellie for summing up the reason why we picked up as our VFTW target! And here is the piece de resistance: She says at the end "I WON'T PUT YOU THROUGH THE TORTURE!!!!" Yay!

6. Ace "I love to hug people - too much" Young - That's All

Wait... Ace is toast and the performance hasn't started! Anyone who watched AI knows that singing a goodbye song = you're booted. Holy shit, Ace greased his hair back that it looks like a shiny cueball! He looks like the mechanic who works at the gas station 2 minutes away from my house - which is probably not a good thing seeing that the majority of Ace's fans haven't even had their periods yet! He basically sang the whole song in falsetto - which isn't exactly news to us. Ace would do better at being a high school caferia lady with that hairdo of his than a singer... Let's save Ace and keep him in the competition! Imagine this: Ace vs Kellie final two! That would be a VFTWer's dream!

7. Katharine "Kat Pee" McPhee - Someone to Watch Over Me

Thank God and everything that is holy... Kat is not going to sing my favourite song "The Way You Look Tonight". Right off the bat, Kat gives a couple of eye fucks to the camera and there's an abnormally large frame of her face that didn't need to be shown - which occurs through most of the song. Who the hell bought that fucking ugly necklace she's wearing? It's like straight out of Aladdin! Overall, she does a really good job and I can't say anything negative about her singing. The best of the night overall.

Final Thoughts:

Well... this can be said: This theme was a better theme than the last 3 weeks or so. Most of the contestants failed to impress me but that's nothing new. Most of them underwhelmed me and that's only an understatement. Ace and Kellie were the stars of the show (in every single wrong way!) and hopefully these two will survive the elimination. Rod was a great commentator on the contestants and he should replace Paula as a judge!

Who Should Be in the Bottom Three: Paris, Chris, Kellie (only because she bombed on vocals)
Who Should Go: Paris - she needs to die already!
Who Will Go: Elliott (sadly - I really think he will go)

And lastly, don't forget to support Kellie Hickler for VOTE FOR THE WORST! ;)

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